First, she would pack the rabbit in her little backpack. Then we would sing the ABCs together while she put on her shoes. Then she would give me three hugs, and I would give her three kisses before she left.
When she came back home, we would do the whole thing in reverse. She stopped crying and made me practice it five times until she felt sure she could remember. By the end, she was giggling when I pretended to forget which letter came after M.
I tucked her in and promised we would do the ritual every single time, that it would help her feel secure even when the location changed. The mediation follow-up session happened on a Tuesday morning at Waverly’s office. My mother arrived ten minutes early and sat in the waiting room with a folder on her lap.
Waverly called us back, and we sat in the same chairs as last time, the same distance apart. My mother opened her folder and pulled out three handwritten pages. Waverly asked her to read them aloud.
My mother’s voice shook as she started listing specific things she had done. She had kicked me out with two hours’ notice when I was eighteen and pregnant. She had changed the locks so I could not come back.
She had refused to answer Denise’s calls when Denise begged for help getting me into a shelter. She had told extended family I had run off to live recklessly instead of admitting I had nowhere to go. She had never visited the hospital when Janna was born, even though Denise told her which one.
She had lived twenty minutes away for five years and never once checked if we were alive. The list went on for two full pages. She cried while reading, but she did not stop to make excuses or explain her reasoning.
When she finished, she looked at me and said she was sorry for each specific thing she had done. It was not a perfect apology, and I could tell she still wanted to defend herself, but it was more honest than anything she had said before. I sat there letting the words land without rushing to make her feel better or tell her it was okay.
After a long silence, I told her I accepted this as a first step, not as absolution, and that she would need to keep proving herself through actions. Waverly made notes and scheduled our next check-in for a month later. I met with my restaurant manager the next day during the slow period between lunch and dinner.
I explained that I needed to adjust my schedule to be home for Janna’s bedtime routine on the nights Alessandro was not visiting. He pulled up the staff calendar on his tablet, and we worked through it together. I would drop two evening shifts per week and pick up the busy lunch shifts on those days instead.
The lunch shifts actually paid better because of higher table turnover, and the business lunch crowd tipped more consistently. He said I had earned first choice on the schedule after being reliable for three years and that he would rather work with me than lose me to another restaurant. I thanked him and felt a small surge of relief that this piece was falling into place.
The logistical wins were adding up slowly, each one making the whole situation feel more stable and less like it could collapse at any moment. Alessandro and I spent two hours at a coffee shop drafting a joint statement for Janna’s school. We kept it simple and factual.
Janna’s father had recently been located after a long search. We were establishing a co-parenting arrangement. Both parents requested that any questions or concerns be directed to us privately rather than discussed with other parents or staff.
We asked that Janna be supported without being made to feel different or like she was the subject of gossip. Alessandro emailed it to the principal, who called me that afternoon. She said she appreciated us being proactive and agreed to brief Janna’s teacher and the front office staff privately.
They would make a note in the system about pickup authorization and redirect any questions to us. She promised they would watch for signs that Janna was struggling and let us know immediately. I hung up feeling like we had protected her from at least one source of potential drama.
Phyllis called me on Friday afternoon. She said she had reviewed all the mediation notes and my mother’s therapy documentation and felt comfortable clearing a short supervised meeting between me and my mother before considering any contact with Janna. The meeting would happen at the mediation office with Waverly present, so we would have a safe, neutral space.
If things went badly, Janna would not be affected because she would not know it had happened. If things went well, we could consider next steps. I agreed to the meeting, and we scheduled it for the following Thursday.
I spent the next week feeling anxious and practicing what I wanted to say, writing things down and crossing them out, trying to prepare for a conversation I did not know how to have. The supervised meeting was harder than I expected. I sat across from my mother in Waverly’s office with a box of tissues on the table between us.
Waverly explained the ground rules and then asked my mother to read her written apology. It was longer than what she had read at mediation, covering all five years in detail. She listed specific times she had refused help, specific lies she had told family, specific moments when she had chosen her pride over my survival.
She talked about getting the call from Denise that I had given birth alone and choosing not to go to the hospital. She described seeing Janna’s picture for the first time two years later and feeling nothing because she had convinced herself I deserved whatever happened. Her voice broke multiple times, but she kept reading.
When she finished, she set the papers down and cried without trying to explain or defend herself. I sat there and let the words land. I let myself feel the anger and hurt without pushing it away to make her feel better.
After several minutes, I told her I heard what she said. I did not say I forgave her because I was not there yet. I did not say it was okay because it was not.
But I acknowledged that she had done the work of writing it honestly and reading it without making excuses. Waverly asked what I needed from my mother going forward. “Consistent therapy,” I said.
“Respect for every boundary I set. And time to prove you have actually changed.”
We spent the rest of the session negotiating what limited contact might look like. No overnight visits with Janna until further notice.
No unsupervised time alone with her for at least six months. Periodic reviews every three months based on Janna’s well-being and whether my mother kept attending therapy. She could be called Grandma, but with strict rules that could be pulled back immediately if she crossed any line.
My mother agreed to everything without arguing or trying to negotiate for more. She said she understood she had destroyed my trust and that earning it back would take years, not months. Waverly documented everything we agreed to and said she would send a written summary within two days.
I left the office feeling exhausted, but also like the boundaries were finally clear and fair. My mother would have a role in Janna’s life, but with training wheels that would not come off until she proved herself trustworthy through sustained action over time. Janna’s birthday was three weeks away, and I spent a Tuesday evening making a list of what we would need for a park party.
Balloons. Paper plates. A sheet cake from the grocery store.
Maybe simple games like tag and duck, duck, goose. Alessandro stopped by that night to drop off some papers from Leah and saw my notebook on the kitchen table. He asked what I was planning, and I explained the park idea, how Janna’s kindergarten friends would come and we would keep it simple and fun.
He got quiet for a minute, then suggested he could hire an event company that did princess parties or maybe rent out a venue with activities. I appreciated the offer, but I told him no. Six-year-olds did not need fancy entertainment.
Janna would have more fun running around with her friends and eating cake. He looked disappointed, but then asked what he could do to help instead. I put him in charge of decorations and games, giving him a budget of fifty dollars and a list of dollar store items we needed.
