The whole extended family was there, including some relatives I’d never met. Perfect.
During dessert, I excused myself. A few minutes later, I returned to the table wheeling a large decorative box I’d hidden in my car.
“Linda,” I said, beaming at her like she’d just won the lottery, “I wanted to give you something special. Here are 25 gifts to honor the years you spent raising Jake.”
Her eyes lit up. This was it. This was her moment.
She opened the first package.
It contained a packet of gummy worms. Her smile wavered slightly, but she held it together.
In the second package she opened, she found a mini stapler. A few people started glancing at each other.
The third package contained a bar of motel soap still in its paper wrapper. Someone coughed to cover a laugh.
By the time she opened the tenth gift, a rubber duck wearing sunglasses, people weren’t even trying to hide their amusement. Jake’s aunt was biting her lip so hard I thought she might draw blood.
Linda’s smile was shrinking with each package, but she kept going. What choice did she have? Twenty-odd people watched her with rapt attention as she unwrapped a fake plant, a pack of birthday candles, and a stress ball shaped like a hamburger.
The 24th gift was a bookmark that said, “Reading is Fun-damental” with a cartoon owl on it.
And then came gift number 25.
Linda unwrapped the toilet paper, read the gold lettering, and the entire table erupted.
Jake actually started clapping. His dad had to cover his mouth with his napkin, and Jake’s older sister was crying with laughter.
Linda slammed the lid back on the box and snarled, “You’re mocking me.”
I looked her straight in the eye and said, “No, Linda. I’m honoring you, just like you insisted. You never specified the value of the gifts you require.”
That was it. She stood up so fast her chair fell backward, grabbed her purse, and stormed out of the restaurant, leaving her untouched birthday cake behind.
The dinner continued without her, and it was honestly the most fun I’d had with Jake’s family since we’d started dating.
People kept coming up to whisper things like, “Thank you. About time someone did that.”
Even Linda’s sister winked at me and said, “She’s had that coming for years.”
Jake made it crystal clear to his mother the next day: respect me as his future wife, or don’t be part of the wedding at all. Her silence since then has been absolutely peaceful.
So yes, I technically gave her 25 gifts. But I also gave her a 26th: silence. Because even though I gave her a slew of bad gifts, I never once let her have a piece of my mind!
Though if we’re counting the applause from that birthday dinner, I’d say the real gift was watching an entire family finally feel free to laugh at the empress with no clothes.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
