A lady goes into a pet store one day. “I’m really lonely,” she says to the clerk. “I need a pet to keep me company.”
“Well,” replies the clerk, “how about this nice parrot?
He’ll talk to you.”
“Hey, that’s great,” says the lady. She buys the parrot and takes him home. The next day the lady comes back to the pet store.
“You know, that parrot isn’t talking to me yet,” she says. “Hmm, let’s see,” says the clerk. “I know!
You buy this little ladder for his cage. He’ll climb the ladder, and then he’ll talk.” So off she goes with a newly purchased ladder. The next day she comes back again.
“Hey, that parrot still hasn’t said a word,” she says to the pet-store clerk. He thinks a minute. “How about this little mirror?” he says.
“You hang it at the top of the ladder. The parrot will climb the ladder, look in the mirror, and then he’ll talk to you.”
“Okay,” she says, and buys the little mirror and goes home. But the next day that same lady is back in the shop.
“Well, I’m getting a bit discouraged,” she says. “That parrot still won’t talk to me.”
The clerk scratches his head. “Let me think.
Aha! Try this bell. You hang it over the mirror.
The parrot will climb the ladder, look in the mirror, ring the bell, and then he will surely talk to you!”
“All right, I’ll give it a try,” says the lady. And she buys the bell and takes it home. The next day the same lady comes back to the pet shop, and she is very distressed.
“What’s wrong?” asks the clerk. “My parrot … well, he died,” she answers quietly. “Oh my gosh!
I’m so sorry for your loss!” exclaims the clerk. “But I have to ask you, did the parrot ever say anything to you?”
“Oh yes, he said one thing, right before he died,” she replies. “Well, what did he say?” asks the clerk.
The lady replies, “He said, ‘Doesn’t that store carry any food?’”
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship. His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying “Big deal, the cards up his sleeve.” or “He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!”
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas.
Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician. Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed “Okay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!”
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes
about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. “My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.”
“I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed vet number three, “but if my great grandfather was living today he’d be the most famous man in the world.”
“Really?
What’d he do?” his friends wanted to know. “Nothing much… But he would be 165 years old.”
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A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris. The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris and said, “Lost?
You’ve been going to that park for 30 years! How’d you get lost today?”
Leaning in close so the officer couldn’t hear, Grandpa whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks.
The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives off. The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still full of ducks—but this time, all the ducks are wearing sunglasses.
Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did! But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
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A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud. A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.
He heads to a corner and takes a sip from each mug, one after the other, in turn. Once he’s done, he returns to the bar and orders three more. Curious, the bartender approaches him and says, “You know, beer goes flat pretty quick after it’s poured.
It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiles and explains, “Well, here’s the thing. I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona, the other in Colorado. When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home.
So, I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nods, impressed by the sentiment, and leaves it at that. The cowboy becomes a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation. One day, though, he walks in and only orders two mugs.
The regulars, noticing the change, go quiet. When the cowboy returns to the bar for his second round, the bartender cautiously leans in and says, “I’m sorry for your loss. I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looks confused for a second, then bursts out laughing.
“Oh no, no one’s passed away!” he chuckles. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking. But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!! An Old Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls towards the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks like an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie. She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress. There is a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. “Well, old cowboy,” said the genie… “You know how I work. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this, says the old man.
“I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose? You have no transportation, and it looks like you are a goner anyway!”
The old man thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie is right. Shazam!
“OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
Shazam! The old cowboy is in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. OK, old boy, what’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is for me to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
Shazam!
The old man is surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. “Okay, cowpuncher, you just have one wish. Better make it a good one!”
After a few minutes of thinking, the man says.
“I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
Shazam! He is turned into a t-a.mpon. Moral of the story
If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached.
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How much money did I have? Puzzles can come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to pick from online. It can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions – and even a classic old riddle.
Riddles are very popular here, so here comes one. Here comes the old riddle. How Much Money Did I Have?
The riddle says:
I had 13 dollars. My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars. My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars.
I had another 5 dollars. How much money did I have? We’ll report the correct answer below.
A
B
C
Here is the correct answer
Have you come up with an answer? Take a deep breath and concentrate, the
