How far would you go to get back at your worst neighbor? I learned the hard way, and people in the neighborhood are still talking about it. My awful neighbor made my backyard into a dump, but he had no idea what was coming.
Have you ever lived next to someone who made you want to rip your hair out? Let me tell you about mine. This story will make your last fight with a neighbor look like a tea party. My name is Jimmy.
It all began with a wall. Yes, a simple fence made of bricks. That fence, on the other hand, could have been the Great Wall of China in my area.
My friend Dan and I? We always fight over something, like cat and mouse. Keep in mind Tom and Jerry. We don’t like being around each other, though.
Things got even better with this fence.
When Dan’s voice came over, I was in my yard, proud of what I had done. “Hey, Jimmy!” “What’s the big deal about this awful thing?”
When I turned around, he was crossed-legged on his clean yard. “You can call it privacy, Dan.” “You should give it a try sometime.”
His eyes got smaller. “Privacy? Or are you just trying to hide my award-winning roses?
It was impossible not to roll my eyes. “Believe me, Dan. I don’t care about your roses at all.
He said, “We’ll see about that, Jimmy,” as I walked back inside. “Let’s see.”
I had no idea that those words would soon completely change my life.
Before I talk about the chaos that followed, let me show you my little piece of heaven. Picture this: a quiet neighborhood with cute people waving as they walk by. The streets are lined with maple trees.
It doesn’t take long to get everything you need. It works great. Almost.
Look, there’s one painful spot. Dan is the name of the person who bothers me. I have a neighbor whose house backs up right up to mine. He’s a real jerk.
In the afternoon, I was raking leaves outside when I heard Dan’s voice. “Hey, neighbor!” Free compost is being given to you!”
He was sweeping a pile of leaves under my maple tree when I looked up. Once more. I yelled, “Dan, one last time, I don’t want your damn leaves!”
He just smiled that smug smile I hated. “Jeff, come on!” I am only trying to assist. Just make sure the neighborhood looks good.
I clenched my teeth. “Okay, but how about you keep your dogs quiet first?”
His face turned darker. “Don’t touch my dogs.” They watch over things. They should make noise.
“Dogs to watch?” I laughed. It sounds more like noise pollution. Your dogs are so crazy that I can’t even have a BBQ.
A low voice came from Dan as he moved closer. Hey Jimmy, pay attention. What takes place on my land is private to me. Do you get it?”
I gave him the same look. “Very clear, Dan. “Pure as glass.”
I knew this wasn’t over when he stormed off.
I couldn’t sleep that night. Dan’s words kept going over and over in my mind. “It’s my business what happens on my land.” That game could be played by two people.
I was on the phone first thing in the morning the next day. “Hello, is this anyone from Barn Beez Construction?” I’d like to get a wall quote.
After a week, the building crew showed up. Dan rushed over with his face as red as a tomato while I was watching. A bad one, maybe!
Jim, what the hell is this? He yelled and made wild gestures at the wall that wasn’t finished yet.
I gave a sweet smile. “Oh, this?” Just a small job to make my house better. What goes on my land is my business, you know.
Dan clenched his teeth. “This…this horrible thing is going to make my garden look bad!”
I gave a shrug. “That sounds like your issue, Dan. “I’m well inside my property line.”
At that very moment, we heard loud barking. Dan’s dogs ran out and went straight for the building workers.
“Hey!” I yelled. “Get your dogs off the leash, Dan!”
He laughed. “Why are you upset, Jimmy?” Are you afraid of a little puppy?”
“Little dog?” I laughed. “Those are full-grown dogs that would be as tall as me if they stood up straight!”
Dan wouldn’t move, though. So I took out my phone and called someone. “Animal control is ready to go, Dan.” “Your choice,” I told her as I drew my finger over the button.
Dan’s face turned down. When he whistled hard, the dogs ran away. He spit out, “You’ll regret this, Jimmy,” as he stomped back to his house. Take note.
Unease built up in my stomach as I watched him leave. What did I just begin?
Things were calm for a few days. It’s too quiet. I should have known Dan was up to no good.
I woke up on a Saturday morning to a smell that made my stomach turn. When I got to the window, I was still half-asleep and almost fell over from shock.
My back yard, which was so pretty, was full of trash. It can be anything from spoiled food to dirty diapers. It looked like a garbage dump had gone off.
“What the—” I stumbled as I tried to open the window. It smelled like a truck hit me.
That’s when I saw him. Dan, with a big grin on his face, standing on his porch.
“Good morning, neighbor!” He waved happily and called out. “Do you like your new landscaping?”
I was shocked enough to not speak. Dan’s smile got bigger. “I guess you should have thought about that wall more before you built it, huh?”
As he walked back inside laughing, I felt something snap inside me. This was no longer just a fight between neighbors. It was WAR.
My mind was going crazy, so I slammed the window shut. “Okay, Dan,” I said in a low voice. “Do you want to get dirty?” “Let’s get dirty.”
I paced for a few hours to calm down and get my thoughts together. But my blood boiled all over again every time I looked out at my broken-down garden.
I finally picked up the phone. “Tyler?” This is Jimmy. Do you remember the favor you owe me? “I’m calling it in.”
After an hour, my friend Tyler showed up in his truck with a digger. He looked around with wide eyes as he saw the mess. “Geez, Jimmy. “What did this happen?”
I clenched my teeth. “Dan took place.” We’ll fix that, though.
Tyler didn’t look sure. “Man, I don’t know.” It looks like things could get bad.
I gave him a shoulder tap. “Believe me, it looks bad already.” “All we’re doing is settling the score.”
I felt a little guilty as we turned on the digger. Did I go too far? But then I smelled the garbage again and made up my mind to do it.
I looked at my watch and said, “Okay, Tyler.” “Dan is working out.” We have an hour. “Let’s make it matter.”
I couldn’t help but smile as we started to pick up the trash in my backyard. “Time to pay back, Dan. Interested in! “I hope you’re ready.”
The next hour was full of things going on. We picked up all of my yard’s trash. The trash cans in the area were also cleaned up well. Where did all this lovely trash end up? You got it: Dan’s spotless land.
His lawn turned into a stinky collage, and his roof became a work of art made from junk. Because a smoke trash surprise is the best way to say “I care,” we even put some trash down his chimney. The yard was full of dirty diapers and rotting veggies, and every breeze made people wonder, “What’s that smell?”
In their kennel, his dogs were trying out for a dog opera, but I was too busy admiring our work to give them a standing applause. In the end, getting even is best done with a side of compost.
Tyler gave me a worried look as he got ready to leave. “Are you sure about this, Jeff?” It looks like it might be going too far.
I turned my head away. “Dan was the first to cross.” I am only pushing back.
We heard a car pull up right then. Dan got back early.
I said quietly, “Showtime,” and went inside to watch from my window.
Dan’s response was… priceless doesn’t even begin to describe it. He got out of his car slowly and gasped as he saw what was going on.
He yelled, “What the… JIMMY!” and turned around to face my house. “Get out of here, you jerk—”
My porch was as cool as a cucumber when I walked out. “What’s
