A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds. It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz, slate blue, loaded, etc. Sell for $150.00.
She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out.
The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition. She asked the woman, “What`s the catch?
Why are you selling this car so cheaply?”
“Well,” she said, “it`s my husband`s car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read: `In Miami.
Need money.
Sell car`.”
Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not!
I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart.
I’ll get another dress.
After all, it’s your special day.”
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ”Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”
Her mother just smiled and replied, ”Of course I do, dear….
I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.”
A young executive was leaving the office of a major corporation late one evening
when he found the CEO himself standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
Eager to make a good impression, the young exec introduced himself and asked if he could be of any help. “Why yes,” said the CEO, holding up the piece of paper.
“This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive, happy for a chance to help the boss.
The young man turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I’ll need two copies.”
———————————————————————————————————————————————————-
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris. The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris and said, “Lost?
You’ve been going to that park for 30 years!
How’d you get lost today?”
Leaning in close so the officer couldn’t hear, Grandpa whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks.
The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives off.
The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still full of ducks—but this time, all the ducks are wearing sunglasses.
Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did! But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud. A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.
He heads to a corner and takes a sip from each mug, one after the other, in turn.
Once he’s done, he returns to the bar and orders three more. Curious, the bartender approaches him and says, “You know, beer goes flat pretty quick after it’s poured.
It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiles and explains, “Well, here’s the thing. I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona, the other in Colorado.
When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home.
So, I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nods, impressed by the sentiment, and leaves it at that. The cowboy becomes a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation. One day, though, he walks in and only orders two mugs.
The regulars, noticing the change, go quiet.
When the cowboy returns to the bar for his second round, the bartender cautiously leans in and says, “I’m sorry for your loss. I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looks confused for a second, then bursts out laughing.
“Oh no, no one’s passed away!” he chuckles. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking.
But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!! An Old Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls towards the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks like an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie. She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress.
There is a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. “Well, old cowboy,” said the genie… “You know how I work. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this, says the old man.
“I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose?
You have no transportation, and it looks like you are a goner anyway!”
The old man thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie is right. Shazam!
“OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
Shazam! The old cowboy is in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
OK, old boy, what’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is for me to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
Shazam!
The old man is surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. “Okay, cowpuncher, you just have one wish. Better make it a good one!”
After a few minutes of thinking, the man says.
“I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
He is turned into a t-a.mpon. Moral of the story
If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached.
+——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
How much money did I have? Puzzles can come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to pick from online.
It can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions – and even a classic old riddle.
Riddles are very popular here, so here comes one. Here comes the old riddle. How Much Money Did I Have?
The riddle says:
I had 13 dollars.
My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars. My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars.
I had another 5 dollars. How much money did I have?
We’ll report the correct answer below.
A
B
C
Here is the correct answer
Have you come up with an answer? Take a deep breath and concentrate, the answer might be easier than you think. Maybe there is something you are missing in this old riddle?
After the picture below, you can see if you got the right solution.
The answer is 18 Dollars. You can get a hint in the question that it basically asks how much money “DID” I have?
This means it is asking about how much YOU had. Not how much you received from anyone.
So, the money you had is 18 dollars.
(Since this answers to the question, stating the amount of money you had apart from the money received by you by your parents and relatives.)
