Three men go to hell and they’re pissed off about it. “Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”
Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is!
Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go.
I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with.”
The men let out a cheer. This wouldn’t be so hard.
The first man steps up and observes his surroundings. Finally, he picks a sturdy looking boulder to place on his back.
“Ready,” he says.
Satan raises his whip and yells, “ONE!”
CRACK
The boulder immediately splits in half. “Aw screw this,” says the first man. “I’ll just stay.”
Satan smirks and asks, “Who’s next?”
The second man steps up and, without picking any protection, gets in position.
“Are you sure about that?” asks Satan, to which the man replies with
“I have trained my mind and body to ignore any unnecessary pain.
I need no protection.”
“Whatever you say, pal.” Satan raises his arm and yells, “ONE!”
The man slightly flinches, his pain evident, but he remains upright. Annoyance flashes across Satan’s face.
He raises his arm again and shouts, “TWO!”
Again, the man remains upright, all the way up to the tenth whipping. The man gets up, weary but happy.
Satan looks furious and says, “Whatever, goodjob.
You, third guy, you’re next. What are you picking?”
The third man takes in his surroundings, lays his eyes on his choice and says, “I’m gonna pick the second guy.”
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner, your way across the bridge to Heaven will be decided.”
The first guy says, “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated thrice.”
The angel gives him an old model pick-up.
The second guy says, “11 years and only once.”
The angel grants him a Mercedes.
The last man says, “20 years and not once, we loved each other with all our hearts.”
The angel is duly impressed, and bestows upon him a gold edition Lamborghini. The man soon passes the other two men.
Hours later the two men catch up to him at a diner. He’s sitting alone at a table sobbing and muttering to himself.
One of the men approaches him and says, “I know we are dead but it could be much worse.
Don’t be upset!”
The guy looks up and says “Don’t be upset?!, 30 minutes ago I passed my wife, and she was riding a skateboard!”
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris. The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris and said, “Lost? You’ve been going to that park for 30 years!
How’d you get lost today?”
Leaning in close so the officer couldn’t hear, Grandpa whispered, “I wasn’t lost.
I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks. The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown.
Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives off. The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still full of ducks—but this time, all the ducks are wearing sunglasses.
Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did!
But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud. A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud. He heads to a corner and takes a sip from each mug, one after the other, in turn.
Once he’s done, he returns to the bar and orders three more.
Curious, the bartender approaches him and says, “You know, beer goes flat pretty quick after it’s poured. It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiles and explains, “Well, here’s the thing.
I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona, the other in Colorado. When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home.
So, I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nods, impressed by the sentiment, and leaves it at that.
The cowboy becomes a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation. One day, though, he walks in and only orders two mugs. The regulars, noticing the change, go quiet.
When the cowboy returns to the bar for his second round, the bartender cautiously leans in and says, “I’m sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looks confused for a second, then bursts out laughing. “Oh no, no one’s passed away!” he chuckles.
“It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking. But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile!
Have a nice day!! An Old Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water. He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls towards the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks like an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress. There is a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
“Well, old cowboy,” said the genie… “You know how I work. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this, says the old man. “I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose?
You have no transportation, and it looks like you are a goner anyway!”
The old man thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie is right.
Shazam! “OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
Shazam!
The old cowboy is in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. OK, old boy, what’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is for me to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
The old man is surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
“Okay, cowpuncher, you just have one wish. Better make it a good one!”
After a few minutes of thinking, the man says. “I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
He is turned into a t-a.mpon.
Moral of the story
If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached. +——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
How much money did I have?
Puzzles can come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to pick from online. It can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions – and even a classic old riddle.
Riddles are very popular here, so here comes one.
Here comes the old riddle. How Much Money Did I Have? The riddle says:
I had 13 dollars.
My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars.
My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars. I had another 5 dollars.
How much money did I have? We’ll report the correct answer below.
A
B
C
Here is the correct answer
Have you come up with an answer?
Take a deep breath and concentrate, the answer might be easier than you think. Maybe there is something you are missing in this old riddle? After the picture below, you can see if you got the right solution.
The answer is 18 Dollars.
You can get a hint in the question that it basically asks how much money “DID” I have? This means it is asking about how much YOU had.
Not how much you received from anyone. So, the money you had is 18 dollars.
(Since this answers to the question, stating the amount of money you had apart from the money received by you by your parents and relatives.)
