Some families are more traditional than others, and that can complicate matters when it comes to relationships. That is especially true if your parents don’t see your partner as part of the family because you didn’t get married. One of our readers reached out to share his frustration about a recent incident.
This is Brandon’s story.
Dear Saidstory,
My mother recently called to invite me to Christmas dinner. I told her that my girlfriend of 5 years and I would be happy to attend since I haven’t seen the family in a while. But she said that my girlfriend isn’t invited because we aren’t married.
My mother has been begging for a wedding for a while already, but I never thought she would go this far so it was kind of shocking. So I told my mom I wouldn’t come without her. My mom laughed and said, “She’s not family! Don’t be dramatic!”
I tried to stay calm, but inside I was boiling. That was the most ridiculous excuse I have ever heard, and I knew my mom was just being passive-aggressive to prove a point. I was not going to be playing into her hands this time. I will get married when I’m ready to, not when she says I should.
Last night, my parents called me, and they were furious because they realized that I said no on the reservations. If they didn’t respect my girlfriend, they didn’t respect me either. But I didn’t just stop there, I am pushing this all the way.
I booked a table for two and the most beautiful restaurant in the city, posted a picture of it on social media and captioned it with “This will be where my little family will be having Christmas dinner. You are more valuable than an entire ungrateful family.”
The kicker? I’m going to propose on Christmas day, and it will be the most romantic proposal I can possibly come up with. I made sure my sister knew about it since she’s the biggest gossip in the family and waited.
But I was shocked when my sister, who always supported me, called my girlfriend and told her that she was ruining a family event. Less than an hour later, my mom called, and she was even more furious. She said that I was “abandoning my family.” I replied by saying that they abandoned me first when they decided to exclude my partner from a family event.
My siblings all agree with her and say that I’m being selfish. But I’m not choosing between them and my future wife. I’ll spend Christmas with the person who makes me happy and if they’re upset about it that’s their problem.
My girlfriend thinks this might be a bit harsh, though. So Saidstory, what do you think? Am I being too harsh with my family? Or am I making the right choice by excluding them?
Regards,
Brandon G.
Some advice from our Editorial team.
Dear Brandon,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.
Here’s the most important thing you need to do before Christmas actually happens: separate your boundary from your revenge. Refusing to attend a family dinner that excludes your long-term partner is a clear, reasonable boundary, and you were absolutely right to draw it.
Where things risk going sideways is the public social media post and using your proposal as a pressure point meant to sting your mother through gossip.
That turns a justified stand into a spectacle, and it puts your girlfriend, who already feels uneasy, at the center of a family power struggle she didn’t ask for.
If you truly want to show that your partner is your family, the strongest move isn’t proving your mother wrong; it’s protecting your future fiancée from being used as a pawn.
Keep the dinner, keep the proposal, but stop feeding the drama machine. Let your choice speak quietly and consistently: this is my partner, this is my life, and access to me comes with respect for her.
Brandon finds himself in a very difficult place, and his next move will determine where the cards will fall.
